A wife's dairy

I am going to be a wife tomorrow. I have so many questions, dreams aspirations and what not.

This is my first day after marriage. My mother in law wants me to put on jewels of her choice and I don’t like them. What shall I do now? Mom said it’s just a small matter just wear it for some time. I wore it.
My first compromise on my choices, as far I can remember it. But no body seems to notice it except my friends and sis. Not even my husband! May be he will take some time to understand it.

My parents came to my house for the first time after marriage; my in laws were also there at my place, then. My parents were treated as guests. They never felt at home in this place.
I raised an issue with my husband but he just couldn’t understand that. He felt the house belongs to him and his parents are the owners of this place.

I wanted to go out with my colleagues and friends for a day. My in laws said, I can not go, since I will have to stay in the lodge that night. They felt married woman should not go out for a night with out her husband.
I felt they do not trust me. To my surprise my husband too didn’t feel that I should go. He said his sister does not go out like that, then why should I. (Are not we two different persons?)
The very next week he went out with his friends for 2 days and he never had to take some body’s permission.

My cousin was going for higher studies. He wanted some money. I decided to give him money raised this issue on the dining table; I still remember my in laws’ reaction. They asked me how could I promise my cousin before asking my husband?
It was a shock for me.
How can I explain that I trusted my husband that he will understand the situation and promised my cousin? My husband just didn’t say any thing. We never talked about the issue again since I didn’t want the peace to get disturbed. Now I feel I should have talked at least to my husband.


I am married for 6 years now. We bought a new house but I don’t feel this house belongs to me.
My opinions never mattered to any one while buying the house. My husband chose the locality, in laws chose vaastu and now my mom in law is busy giving it a look. I am just here to maintain the look given by her.

I left my job which I loved doing, because my husband and in laws don’t want me to work. I didn’t feel the difference for 2-3 years because I was a full time mom. Now my son is growing he doesn’t need me so much, my husband is busy with his work and I never shared a rapport with my in laws. So I miss my working days now.
No body asked me whether I want to leave my job, they just asked me to resign since my child needed me, I asked them to support in raising the kid so that I can work, I was ready to take a break for some months but they said, what a kid needs most is mother and I have to be there all the time and more over their son is earning enough to support us.
Did I want to work only for money? Knowing my husband, I didn’t expect him to speak this time neither did he make an effort. he just said his parents are traditional and I have to adjust. I wonder whether ‘adjustment’ is the right word to use here! Now I am out dated with technology and I won’t get any job.

I am married for more than 20 years now. I live like a guest in this house. After doing what ever my in laws said for 15 years, finally I started to argue with them for every silly thing. My husband couldn’t boss over me as he used to earlier. So our arguments were pissing him off. Finally he decided to put them in a separate house. Now he feels I am responsible for that and somewhere even I feel that.

After almost 15 years I have opened this dairy to pen down my emotions of 15 years . (I did open it when my son was born!) Even after 20 years of togetherness I don’t understand my husband’s silence, neither he does mine. I was the chief cause of pain for 2 elderly people (my in laws). My son feels I don’t have patience!

Some times I think what did I get out of this marriage? What did my husband get out this? I see the same frustration on his face too. It’s not a different scene with my son and my in laws. We have everything, a house, car and all the materialistic comforts; we pose in front of the society with our happy faces. But we know that we are not living. My soul says enough of this, talk to them and come to a conclusion.

I have lost my identity in this jungle of compromises. They did make others happy initially, but no one could understand the pain I went through when I made them. Slowly frustration and negative feelings started creeping in and this has made life miserable for us.

I cannot comment on the compromises my family has made for me since we don’t know each other! ( I feel ashamed of my self to say so after 20 years into this family)

Where did I go wrong? People around me were not very bad neither I am very cruel and wicked minded. Then what’s the reason for this gloominess in our house?

I always wanted the above scenes to take proceed in the following way,

Tomorrow is my marriage. As every girl I am scared about living with complete set of strangers but at the same time I know that house belongs to me as much as it does to them.

My mother in law gave me her choice of saree and asked me to wear. I didn’t like them, they were not my choice. I thought since we don’t each other I will tell her this time. Once we were free I just asked her to take me along with her when she goes for shopping next time. It was a casual tone and she didn’t mind it.

My parents came to my place. My husband and in laws treated them very well, they felt it was their 2nd home. They were very happy.

I still go out with my friends and my husband also does that. I don’t have to take permission from him or my in laws for that. I do spend money as I want but still we both discuss about the budget. We still go out for dinners and love surprising each other. we do miss each other when we go out for long time for work.

We bought a small house, I know each and every brick of it. There are very few luxuries in our house but we are happy with that.

I took a break from my job when my son was born but rejoined very soon as I didn’t want to be a full time housewife. . Yes, we had discussions on why should I work etc etc. But I was sure that I wanted to work

I am happy to live with my laws. They know that we have a generation gap and our thinking ways are different. We both acknowledge it. They do give us suggestions in important matters but they don’t encroach our space. They are leading their retirement life happily and allowing us to live and struggle our lives.

My husband is one of my very good friends. We discuss about everything, starting from our first crush to the problems at office. We still enjoy the company of each other. We still care to see a smile on each other’s face. But all said and done, there is a space in our togetherness which gives us time to understand each other’s importance, to think about our mistakes.

My son discusses all his problems with us. He does not study in the best of schools nor does he have the best of every thing but I am sure he does not complain about it.
My in laws are happy with us. Believe me I don’t have any plans of sending them to old age home. My husband and in-laws appreciate all the hard work and compromises I put in to build the family and I appreciate the freedom they give us.

I am not trying to give a picture of perfect family. We do have our share of arguments, frustrations but still we love each other and dare to express it. We respect each other and allow the person to be himself.

Well, all said and done the above is my wish list. I am not sure how to convert it into a reality. I am not blaming my husband or my in laws for my frustration but I do want to come out this. Other wise my soul will soon ask me to get out of all these relationships, for which I have sacrificed (?)25 years of life.


Did I expect too much? Was I too egoistic to talk to my husband about my feelings when he didn’t speak to me on certain issues? Did I support him in all his decisions? Were my in laws right in expecting me to be the person they wish? Do we love each other? Will my husband’s dairy pages be different than this? Were we not made for each other?


“Koi yeh kaise bataaye voh tanhaa kyon hain?
Yahi duniyaa hain to phir eisi ye duniya kyon hain?